My Heart, My Joy

I was reflecting today on this past year. A year ago at this time, we were awaiting some news about our sweet boy. We were waiting to hear whether or not our lives would change forever. We were waiting on God. Waiting for Him to show us what would be next. It was hard. Probably one of the scariest moments a parent can go through. Wondering if your child would have a normal life. If he would be healthy and thriving. And on November 16th, 2012, we got a phone call that our son was just fine. He was completely normal. And we breathed a sigh of relief. I vowed to try and remember that place of desperation as I moved forward. Easier said than done. It's hard to be in that place when life is cruisin along. Until something else happens. You are right back there in that place. 6 weeks after I had our sweet baby boy, Mason James, we discovered I had Post Partum Depression. Once again, the joy of having our little bundle was stolen away. Just for a moment. I found myself on my knees in that same place I was last year. Crying out to God for His mercy. And He was there, as always. I am thankful for this past year in so many ways. Joys and sorrows alike. God has brought me down and lifted me up. He's taught me to love in ways I never knew I could. He's shown me grace in places I never thought I would find. He's taught me humility, patience, faithfulness, and self-control in areas that I didn't know I even had. So as I reflect on this last year and as I quickly approach this holiday season, I find myself thankful for so many things. My wonderful husband who has been my rock, my leader, amazing father, and hard working provider. My spirited, beautiful daughter, Jocelyn, who has made me laugh when I didn't realize I needed it most. My joyful and sweet son, Mason, who has brought me unspeakable joy and a bond that exists only between a mother and son. A mother who has taken care of me and my kiddos in some of my darkest hours. Parents that have sought to further wonderful relationships with their grandchildren. A sister who has grown into a beautiful young woman that I am excited to get to know as an adult. Friends who are like family. A church community that encourages and engages. And most importantly, my sweet Jesus, who saves me daily from a life of hopelessness, defeat and death. Thank you to the God of the universe who never fails, never gives up on me and seeks to grow me until that beautiful day when I get to meet Him face to face.
Happy Thanksgiving and I hope that anyone who reads this will find joy in the ups and down to life!

Jenna