Day 312 - The Deepest Valley Yet

I wanted to document where I have been in the past 9 days with myself and God. On Tuesday, November 4th, we found out we are going to have a beautiful baby boy! What joy! Unfortunately, I let the joy of that news be stolen by some other news. We found out there was a marker on the scan for Down Syndrome. This was sudden and unexpected, of course. My regular Ob was not worried but after stating this simple fact, I couldn't get over it. I called the next morning and she made an appointment with a specialist. We prayed for answers and a quick appointment with a doctor that would be gracious and loving. God answered quickly. We were able to get an appointment that afternoon. We didn't get the solid answers we were looking for. It is quite amazing that answers of all sorts and statistics of all kinds were presented to us.  In any other environment, one that did not consider the mortality or health of your unborn child, I believe we would have been singing the praises of God for blessing us with an "A".  A 92% is a fantastic result in the academic world.  It's even great when you measure your child in those growth models.  But for some reason, we cannot focus on the 92% possibility of a "normal birth"  We dwell and turn all of our focus to the 8%.  The part that drives you crazy, keeps you awake, and luckily for us, drew us closer to God, no matter how crazy we felt.  I believe it is a result of the fall of man.  The doctor was amazing though! God surely provided. He stated that based on the only information he had (my age and the small nasal bone marker), our chances for a baby would have a 1/12 chance of having an extra chromosome. Whoa. Not the number I wanted or needed to hear. But all the while, I felt God was asking "do you trust me?". And my answer is "yes." Always yes. To quote Peter, Where else would I go, Lord? Mike asked the doctor, what does your gut tell you? The doctor said, "my gut tells me he is fine." I began crying but, of course, doubt still (and still does)  lingered. Then we were presented with options: amnio or a new blood screen that is 99.3% accurate if positive and 100% if negative. The down side was that this new blood screen would take approximately 6 to 10 business days. Ugh. But the amnio carries the risk for miscarriage. We sat with the nurse at the office. She presented the options again and Mike asked her what she thought. He also asked if we were over complicating things. Her response: "I think this has gotten blown way out of proportion. He has a nasal bone. It's small, but it's there." Yet another educated in the field to give us a little more hope. The specialist doctor called me the next day to check in on us. He was so amazing and gracious again. He repeated his gut feeling and let me know he was praying for us! Thank you Jesus for such an amazing doctor. So we did the blood test. We are still in the waiting game. And it has been the most emotional ride I have ever had since we were trying to conceive Jocelyn. I truly believe that we can handle whatever lies ahead. It's this spot of unknown that I have to keep giving over to the Lord. He has walked with me and carried me these past few days. I am dreading but hoping for a phone call every minute of every day. I am so thankful for God's presence through this and all of the blessings and joy that I have been able to see during this time. I would not wish this wait on anyone. I trust the Lord with our lives, including our children, because they are His anyway. We have been praying that our little man does not have Down Syndrome. Not because he won't be a joy or absolute blessing but because we know that God never intended him to have it. It's the fallen world we live in that brings on sickness or disease. But God's plans are bigger than ours and if He chooses this path for us, we trust it's for His ultimate glory. And if He chooses to answer our prayer in the way we hope, then it's because of His wonderful grace and mercy. Not because we have done anything to deserve it. I do believe He hears and listens all of the time. The bible is full of His miracles of healing and signs even on those who's faith is weak. My only hope in all of this is the Lord, the creator of the universe, my master to whom I am indebted to for eternal life. I hope to have news tomorrow and be able to move on in whichever direction the Lord wills for our lives. Praise be to Him for His love and good and perfect gifts from above!

Jenna & Mike


****UPDATE**** Praise be to our Father in Heaven who hears and answers our prayers. He is faithful and wonderful in all He does. He gifts good gifts to His children who are undeserving but because He loves us! We got a phone call today. After a whole day of stress and waiting, we called the doctor's office to see if the results were in. I prayed right before that we would hear news but I also said that I was willing to wait if it meant good news at the end. The nurse told us she called the lab and they wouldn't have our results until Monday or Tuesday. Disappointed but ready to move on, we accepted this news and planned on waiting a few more days. A few more nights of sleeplessness. A few more days of walking in the valley. A few more days of being totally and desperately dependent on Jesus for healing. But....an hour and a half later, the nurse called back and said she had the results and they were great. Our baby boy is negative for any chromasomal abnormalities!!!! I broke down in tears as she told me these results and the first words out of my mouth were "Praise God!!" I am grateful for all of the prayers and notes and thoughts this past week and my desire to take from this is to remember that I am always desperate for God. I always need Him in this way. And praise to Him that He listens and remembers me in these times of darkness. Some of the verses that were helpful and spoke to me during this time were: Psalm 4:1, Philippians 4:6-7, James 5:13-15 and so many more. The Bible is full of wonderful words  from God that show His goodness and mercy. Show His power and miracles. Amen!