Day 182 - Chosen Path

It has been entirely too long since I have last written. Part of it is due to travel, some laziness, but mostly a dark place that I go in and out of. I have really been struggling with trying to have another child and I have been running to God with my hurt and trying to understand why it's not just easy for us. In fact, the hardest part isn't so much the fact that we aren't pregnant or don't have a second child, it's that I wish I could just be content with what I have. I have prayed several times for God to take away this desire if we aren't supposed to have another one, but it never seems to subside fully. So while I learn to wait patiently on the Lord and His timing, I look to things I have already. My husband is the most amazing man and God couldn't have put me with someone who is more perfect for me. My daughter is also amazing. In fact, my sweet teenage sister said to me the other day, "at least if you don't have another one you have Jossy who is the best of all kids wrapped in one." And that is so true!

I went to a Beth Moore speaking engagement this past weekend and just knew God had so much to teach me through her and so much to say. The biggest thing I took away were that God has a specific purpose for each person He puts on earth. He has a purpose for me. He has a purpose for Mike, He has a purpose for Jossy, and if we are  blessed with another, He has a purpose for him or her. Knowing that I have a specific purpose means that only I can fulfill that which God has designed for me. So why do I feel the need to try and fill someone else's shoes? I can't and it's exhausting. Even when it means I am comparing myself to other families who have more than one kid. It's not a competition.

So with that in mind, I choose to walk the path that God has prepared for me and my job as Jocleyn's mother is to help her find that path too. I don't want to miss those things God has prepared for me by being so caught up in all of the things I don't have.

Psalm 37:7

Jenna