Seeing with New Eyes

The other day, Jocelyn and I were walking back from the park. She was a few steps behind me and taking her time as always. I looked back to make sure she was still close. I watched her for a second and she got this really funny, but cute look on her face. She was staring at our neighbors lawn. She squatted down and smiled as if she saw a little bunny or something. Then she began to creep towards the grass. I looked around trying to figure out with what she was so fascinated. Then I realized what caught her eye. They had just watered the lawn and the drops of water were catching sunlight and reflecting little rainbows throughout the lawn. Once she got into the grass, she reached out and touched the little drops of heaven. She became confused as to why they disappeared when she grabbed them. I tried telling her it was water drops but she insisted on continuing to touch them. I have been thinking of this for a few days and it makes me smile. My little one found some joy in the water drops...

I have been a slacker on my devotionals. I have been so busy it's been on the back burner but I have had something going through my mind for a week or so. A few weeks ago I published a devo on our attempt on having a second child and how I was pretty hurt over that not happening as quickly as I would like. Since then I have been doing a lot of praying and giving that desire back to God daily. I feel that every day it seems like I am less and less eager for my timing and more and more ready for whatever God has planned. I went to Chicago this past weekend and helped my best friend get ready for her first baby. On the way there, I noticed a mom and her young daughter traveling somewhere together. I observed them for a bit and noticed how much they loved each other and how much fun they were having, just the two of them. I began to think how neat of a connection Jocelyn and I have and what a great opportunity to really form that bond with her. I find myself reflecting on that daily an...

We decided to go to McDonald's for dinner tonight. Jossy is such a fearless child. She climbs all the way to the top and goes down the biggest slide without a second thought. I love watching her play because she lights up as she explores and runs around. As we were leaving, she wasn't paying attention and ran into the metal door frame hitting her forehead. We walked out to the car and mike noticed a huge goose egg where she hit. I immediately freaked out which caused joss to cry more and get scared. Needless to say, everything was fine and she didn't do any permenant damage. But at the time, it was scary and I truly feared for my daughter's health. I think sometimes we do this in our own lives. We make a big deal out of something that looks scary but is only just a bump under the skin. God always remains calm because He knows we are going to get hurt along the way. How we handle the hurt can cause more panic or it can be just another bump to remember and learn from. J...

The sermon the other day contained some dog/cat theology. Our pastor explained it as this: A dog gets fed by his owner, petted, bathed, played with, etc. The dog looks at his owner and thinks "hmm...he must be God."  A cat gets fed by his owner, petted, bathed, played with, etc...and the cat thinks "hmm..I must be God." Our pastor related this to us in such that God takes care of us because He is God, not because we are. I love this analogy. So often I get caught up in my own world thinking that I am owed something or it is my right to be taken care of...so long as I am good and deserving of it. Then God helps me back to reality and points out that I am not Him nor am I deserving of anything He gives me. I have the blessings I do because God sent Jesus to take my place. For that, I can't do anything in return but love Him. On this day, when we celebrate what Jesus  knowingly did for us, for me...I want Him to know that I do love Him and I know that I am complete...

My husband and I are part of a community group with our church. One of the first things we did was take a spiritual gifts test to see what each of us has been given and tried to figure out how to use it. One of the questions that was posed was "are my gifts a reflection of the job I have been doing for the past few years? or are they God given and I am in a job that suits me?" As I reflected on this, I thought about my daughter. Mike and I came up with a list of 10 or so qualities we love about Jocelyn at this age for her recent photo shoot. Some of those included: fearless, orderly, adventuresome, social...it goes on. These are things that she has that have not been affected by 30 plus years of work or relationships with others. As a mother, I need to encourage the qualities that God has given her at an early age, even if they are not like me, and help her learn how to use them. Once she gets old enough, these will translate into spiritual gifts that she can use for God'...

Jocelyn's new favorite word is "help." She uses it for almost everything when she wants something or can't get where she needs to be. It sometimes sounds like "up" or "out" but usually she is saying "help." I don't mind it because it is pretty darn cute but it seems to be her first and quickest response to any situation. Like when she can't get a block into the correct shape box, she gives up and says "help!" Or when she doesn't want to go down the stairs by herself, she gives up and says "help." Or when she wants out of the high chair immediately after saying "all done" she says "help!" The issue I'm facing here is how often or how quickly should I "help"? As I was reflecting on this during quiet time this morning, I realized that she is learning how to rely on others more and not herself. This may present a little issue as she gets older but I figured out that if I teach ...

So today was one of those days that kind of explode all of your former fantasies. I had a visit from my monthly friend after 4 weeks of being convinced I was pregnant. I had visions of how good of a big sis Jocelyn would be and how far apart they would be in age and what it would look like to have 2 kids instead of one. Not that it is impossible to still have these things, but not now. And to top it off, when you get your monthly friend, the hormones that go with it make it excruciatingly painful to find out your are not pregnant. I find that these moments make me cherish each second with Jossy (especially when she is being sweet) even better. I woke her up from her nap and just held her in my arms and rocked her for a while. I kissed her little face every chance I got. I am in this kind of dark place where I am trying so hard to be thankful for what I have but mourning what I do not. I am deciding whether to run into God's arms or run away. I know it seems silly to some people but...