Day 73 - Turning It All Over

Today, our mom's group was led by someone else (it was a nice treat, thanks Heather!). We discussed giving our entire selves over to the Lord. It was put in perspective by a passage in a book she had read. The thing that stuck out most to me was this: I give God 98% of my life and trust Him with it. But I reserve that 2% for in case I don't agree with something He has planned. That's not how it is supposed to work. If we are completely surrendered to His plan, then 98% (albeit an A) is not good enough. So I had to reflect on what that 2% is for me right now. It rotates but usually comes back to the whole bearing children thing. I get so afraid that it's not in God's plan for us to have more kids that I take back that part of me and don't allow Him in. I don't trust that He has my best interest in mind and that I know what makes me happy or satisfied more than my creator. Ugh!! That feels so stupid saying out loud but it felt good to open up about it. I have gone through this before with Jocelyn and it's not fun the second time either. So my focus this week and moving forward is to give it over to Him, regardless the answer. If I can learn how to completely surrender myself, then I can be an example for Jocelyn to follow in the future and  hopefully she can avoid some of the same hurts.

Jenna