Seeing with New Eyes

I wanted to document where I have been in the past 9 days with myself and God. On Tuesday, November 4th, we found out we are going to have a beautiful baby boy! What joy! Unfortunately, I let the joy of that news be stolen by some other news. We found out there was a marker on the scan for Down Syndrome. This was sudden and unexpected, of course. My regular Ob was not worried but after stating this simple fact, I couldn't get over it. I called the next morning and she made an appointment with a specialist. We prayed for answers and a quick appointment with a doctor that would be gracious and loving. God answered quickly. We were able to get an appointment that afternoon. We didn't get the solid answers we were looking for. It is quite amazing that answers of all sorts and statistics of all kinds were presented to us.  In any other environment, one that did not consider the mortality or health of your unborn child, I believe we would have been singing the praises of God for bles...

I feel convicted by how I have been following God. Or no following Him. My life was dedicated to serving Him when I became a Christian but have I really sought after His will? Do I always ask and seek what He would have me do instead of what I want or think I need? As a follower, do I love others more than myself? Am I Willing to give up my family when He asks me to? To give up my comfort? To give up control? What does this look like practically? Daily? Hourly? How can I follow The Lord o f the earth and be His servant instead of the world's, or better yet, myself? Ugh! I am scum! Thank you Jesus for my life an saving my soul ! Without you, who else is there?

We went camping for the first time as a family this past weekend for one night. It was an adventure as always ! The dog puked 3 times on the way up. Jossy refused to sleep without us going to bed. We got about 4 hours of sleep total all night after lots of tossing and turning on the air mattress. But all in all, it was a great first experience. Jocelyn absolutely loved being out doors and hiking and making smores. She was created to be in the wild, I'm sure of it. On the drive up to the location we camped, Jossy kept saying "God's up the mountain." I think she was confusing what I had taught her a few days before that God made the mountains. But she remembered all the same. God's up the mountain. And He was. When we woke up on Saturday morning, we decided to hike around. We came to this valley that almost can't be described without actually seeing it. I mean it magnificent! Aspens and pine trees all around it. Tall grass with wild flowers blowing in the wind. ...

Jocelyn and I have started a new thing where sometimes when she gets up and sometimes before bed we go out and snuggle on the chair overlooking the downstairs living room. I rock her and sing or we talk about her day. She lays her head on my chest and pulls her purple blanket up over her body. These moments help me to reflect on what it means to be her mom. To have her meld into my body and just allow our two hearts to beat as one while we sit there. It's that physical touch that connects two people. That body to body contact. I don't think we ever get too old to need that. We were born from another human and God designed us to embrace each other for comfort. Snuggling with my little girl might be one of the best ways I feel connected to God regularly. Allowing Him to connect us at a much deeper level than I could ever design myself. It may interrupt my morning for a few minutes longer but the lasting effects felt throughout the day are worth every second. Matthew 9:21 (the w...

I have really been reflecting on the sad tragedy that took place in Aurora early Friday morning. It makes me sad that we live in a world where my daughter will hear of the sick people and isn't safe wherever she goes. The thing I know is that this world has always been sad. It's fallen. Adam and Eve ate the apple and we are no longer living in a place that is safe from anything. The other thing I know is God is Good. Satan is evil. And God (good) always triumphs! At the end of the day, God has the final say and no matter what kind of stuff happens here on earth, God will use it and make beauty from ashes. That stirs a fire in me that I have never felt before. I love that I can be confident in my God to win the war on evil. So if, when something happens like this happens and Jocelyn is old enough to understand, I can give her the hope that we have in Christ that no matter what happens, He wins! Genesis 50:19-21   But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the plac...

I have been really focusing on prayer lately. It has such amazing power in it's ability to connect me with God and have the freedom to really express myself to Him. I am reading a book on prayer and the most recent chapter dealt with praying like a child. This means to come to God as a child with all of my insecurities and messiness without an agenda while I pray. God wants me to approach Him with everything that's on my mind and not hold anything back, just like a child would. I have been teaching Jocelyn to pray every morning for our day. Lately, she will actually pray herself instead of me just praying for us. It's been pretty cute because her prayers go something like this: "Dear Jesus, lalala...um fruit...and mickey...and toys ummm...library. Amen!" I have no idea what she is really praying about but as I reflect on what it means to pray like a child, this can only be a perfect example. She doesn't worry about what she is saying, she just says it. She is ...

I was reading out of the book of 1st Samuel tonight and about all of Saul's mistakes as a king. He was much more concerned with appeasing God rather than pleasing God. He constantly took things into his own control and then turned to God when He became afraid or out of control. He disobeyed God numerous times and then tried to act like he was doing them for God. Verse 15:22 says " Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."  I realize that we don't live in a society that still offers and sacrifices to God but it really struck a chord with me. Then I began to relate it to how I am with Jocelyn. She is disobedient daily. Part of it is her age of course but it is still frustrating. After I discipline her and she knows I am upset with her, she tries to make things all better by making cutesy eyes or she even tries to bring me something s...