Seeing with New Eyes

The verse I read this morning was Mark 4:20. It says " Others, like the seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop - thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown." Jesus was talking about what we are given through Him and what we do with it. I often times have to remind myself that I have been given a gift that I am not supposed to keep to myself. I forget to share what God has done for me. The most important person in my life that I should be sharing it with is Jocelyn. Obviously she has to make her own decision when she gets older but for now, I need to be sharing Jesus in small ways. Songs, reading from the bible, praying at every meal. These are the seeds that I should be planting in her and pray that they grown and flourish as she does. Jenna

Sorry it has been a few days since the last post. We went up to the mountains and I was unable to post for a few days. On the way home from the hills, I was resting my eyes listening to the radio when a short blip came on from a woman who was sharing a bit of her testimony. She said she has always struggled with depression and it was hard most days to get out of bed. But regardless of her own feelings and internal motivation, she would pray every morning "Lord, I don't know what my day looks like or how I will get through it but I know I will follow You." For whatever reason, this really stuck with me. I just want to follow where God wants me to go. If I do that, then life would be so simple (not easy) but simple. I began to reflect on how this looks from Jocelyn's point of view. She normally just goes with the flow. Wherever I go, she goes. When I say eat, she eats. When I say sleep, she sleeps. How simple her life is. I wish I could drain my brain of all these desir

If I thought yesterday was a bad day and I felt the need to yell at my 1 year old, today deserved 2x that! She was a nightmare after her nap. She cried for me the entire time and actually threw a huge melt down fit because she didn't want to go to her daddy. The difference in dealing with her today is how I started the day. I prayed this morning for patience and wisdom. And after my blog yesterday, I think it was still in my head and heart how loving God is towards us. I truly believe God gave me His attributes today. I loved her and remained patient with her because He is with me. I also pray that tomorrow is better than today (cause it was a rough afternoon)! Jenna

This blog is supposed to be real and about real experiences as a mom. I am going to be vulnerable here and expose myself. I was very frustrated with Jocelyn today. She was crying and whining and clingy and driving me crazy. I had plans in my head of how today would unfold and she was not helping with those plans at all. She begged to go downstairs and play in her ball pit. So I opened the door and told her to go ahead. Her reply? She screamed and cried because I was not going with her. To which I screamed: "Leave me alone and go play child!! I'm not going downstairs!!!". Her response? More tears and drama as she worked herself into a fit and followed me around yelling "Mama! Mama!" I felt really bad and realized I didn't help the situation by yelling at her so I picked her up and took her downstairs. I realize that giving in to what she wanted wasn't the best option either but I just love her too much to not take her into my arms. The rest of the day got

Jocelyn woke up around 2 am last night in a coughing fit. We usually have a humidifier running in our room and it's a little hard to hear her unless she's crying. For some reason, the humidifier wasn't working right and it was so quiet that I woke up after hearing Jossy cough. I went in her room and turned on the humidifier in her room. I rubbed vaporub on her chest, got her water and then proceeded to rock her while she slept upright in my arms. As I rocked her, I thought to myself "I am so tired, but there is no place I would rather be than right here holding my little one when she's sick." I remember when these nights used to happen a lot more when she was younger and I know I didn't think those same thoughts. Somehow, God has really changed my heart as a mother to instinctively care for her in the dead of sleep. Being a mom can be such a bumpy ride and so many twists and turns. I find myself getting less and less annoyed with her because I am content w

Yesterday was a somewhat uneventful day. We got up with every intention of going to church.Actually, this is debatable. I convinced myself very easily that there was too much to do and it would be best if we stayed home from church. I began doing chores, cleaning up, etc and realized that I felt convicted about not going to church. But I wasn't sure it was because I felt God wanted me there (I'm sure He did) but I kept thinking that people would judge us if we weren't there or that someone would miss us or that we can't go next week because we are out of town.....etc etc etc. So was I really wanting to go because I wanted to worship as a community, or was it more for show? We decided to go regardless and as we were almost out the door, we realized that Jossy's snotty nose was not just from teething, but there was bucket loads of it and it was green (yuck!). She was screaming and crying too. So we made the call to stay home because we didn't want to risk getting

While enjoying dinner at friends' house tonight, we got out some jenga pieces for Jocelyn to play with. We began setting them up like you would dominoes to form a design that we could knock down...the domino effect. Jocelyn has a thing with destroying any sort of stacked blocks and as it turns out, domino patterns. Each time we tried to set up a train, she would knock it down before we had a chance to make it long enough to enjoy watching it fall. Occasionally, she would allow us to make one long train and watch them all tumble in a pretty display. I can't imagine what we could have created if she would have let us set them all up! As I was thinking about my devo tonight, I thought this was a good analogy for how we, as humans, sometimes don't let God carry out His work to make it ultimately beautiful. Instead, we get impatient and take things in to our own hands causing things to crumble before they are ready. What if I chose every day to let God place one more domino down

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. The entire time, Jocelyn was so good and was content, listened well, and was overall a good little girl. My friend was impressed with how well Jossy did being out so long. In fact, I felt like everyone around me thought she was amazing (that might be in my head). The point is that I was proud of my little toddler. I felt confident as a mother and wanted to show her off to everyone. I kind of think this is how God feels about me when I listen to Him and follow His directions or path for my life. He's a proud Papa. He can look down and say "well done, my good and faithful servant." I am not always determined to make Him proud but I should be. Nothing feels better than a pat on the back from the creator of the world! Matthew 25:23 Jenna

Jocelyn is becoming quite the independent little lady. She likes to drink out of her own cup and rarely lets me help her with the things she has mastered. She is even so stubborn as to not even kiss me with her lips, but rather she bows her head into me when I ask her for lovins and I am supposed to just kiss her head. Today, she wouldn't even sit next to me as we watched her favorite show. This breaks my heart a little bit. I know it's a phase and she will cuddle again but I can't help but think how extremely hurt God must be when I don't want to "snuggle" with Him. He is just ready for me to come running into His loving arms so He can wrap them tight around me. I choose, on occasion, to run the other way and have the nerve to expect Him to chase me. While I always come running back, He wouldn't have to take me. But as any parent would do, He always has His arms ready to snuggle me back in. Ready to tell me it's okay. Ready to not let me fall. I choos

Jocelyn has her safety binkies. They are a stuffed moose and her paci. She normally only gets them in her crib when she is sleeping but lately I have been lazy and letting her have them whenever. They make her feel better for some reason. She has loved on the moose since she was born. So much so that the head has fallen off 3 times and the antlers twice. We sew the head back on for her so that this poor moose doesn't look pitiful. As I am reflecting on today, I realize that these two things make her feel safe and in control. If she is scared or nervous, they console her. If she is tired, they help her sleep. This leads me to believe that we develop idols at a very young age. An idol is anything that comes between me and God. This can be money, love for another, vanity, etc. I personally struggle with acceptance (if you couldn't tell that from any of my other posts) and security (mainly with money). These things are my moose and paci. When I get scared or in trouble, I am quick

This weekend was a busy weekend again. I did get to enjoy a whole Sunday with my husband and daughter though. On Sunday morning, we contemplated whether or not to go to church because we had so much to do around the house. I hadn't been in 2 weeks so it was kind of important for me to go. I felt I needed to worship. Mike chose to come with too. The sermon was about 2 parables. One on humility and the other on persistence of prayer. Both topics were very interesting and always applicable I feel. I found my mind wandering a bit though. I began thinking about sharing my faith and how scary it sometimes is to talk to people about Jesus. Why??? I have no idea. Fear of judgement. Fear of persecution. Fear of not fitting in. That fear can be paralyzing and detrimental to me, but selfish too. God did not create us to fear anything but Him (in a healthy reverence of course). He wants us to share His story so that we may all live the lives He created us to live, not just a few of  us who are

Today we stopped at the park for a few minutes before going home to get some fresh air. The little playground around the corner from our house isn't huge and only has a few things to play on. There is a bouncing grasshopper thing, 2 big kid swings, a rock wall and 2 slides (1 little, 1 big). Jossy loves, LOVES to slide. She will climb up those little steps and get right up in the window of the slide and then sit down and push. Well...at least she does this on the little slide. She was so excited today after going down the small slide that she got up the courage to walk up a few more steps to the Big Kid slide. She knows that I will catch her at the bottom and she's gone down the slide with me before, but never on her own. She tried a few ways to sit before sliding down but for some reason, she just couldn't figure it out and she became too afraid to go down. She decided to turn around and head back the small slide. As I thought about my day and what God had to teach me toda

It wasn't until about half way through the day that I realized my daughter is just one month away from being 18 months old. While in the grand scheme of things, she is still such a baby, but it is so amazing to me that this time last year she had just started sleeping through the night and only ate rice cereal and milk. Someone once told me that the older we get, the quicker the years go by. It's not that time is going any faster but every year we add on to our lives makes the next year that much smaller in comparison. For instance, if you are 5, 1 year of your life is 1/5th of your life. If you are 30, 1 year of your life is only 1/30th....So for Jocelyn, her year must seem like an eternity. But for me, it's a flash. A lot like this life. We are really only here for a small fraction of eternity. This is like a blip on the radar screen. It's kind of sad, but it's also pretty awesome. We can enjoy this life now but we enjoy eternity forever. This life comes  with sad

Jossy goes through these phases where all she wants are "nacks" or snacks. She sometimes eats all day long. Nothing really substantial, just snacks. There is such a fine line of letting her just be happy with the snacks and making sure she is eating a good breakfast, lunch and dinner that will sustain her. This is one of those fun parenting things I have come love (eh, rather hate actually). What should I do? If she's hungry I don't want to deprive her. I also don't want her sole comfort to come from food.  Ahhhh!!! So how do I relate this to my relationship with God? Well, I remember a long time ago I would meet with two friends of mine and we went through a bible study every Tuesday night. We began talking about times when God holds our hands every step of the way and times He lets us walk a bit on our own. He never leaves our side but He does allow us to take steps without His hand. The same thing with my spiritual growth and feeding. There are times I need God

This weekend at a conference, I sat a table that had place cards in front of each chair. Each one had a phrase or two with affirmations that we could take home and say to ourselves. The one in front of me wasn't really an affirmation as much as it was something that I need to hear.  It said this: I have compassion for my parents' childhoods. I now know that God chose them because they were perfect for what I had to learn. I forgive them and set them free, and I set myself free. For a second, I was like "why in the world did I get this one? This isn't an affirmation!" But if you know me, you know that one of my strongest gifts is connectedness. It means that I believe God ties every little detail together and nothing is insignificant. So, of course, this card was placed there for a reason. I think so often as children, we think we can do so much better than our parents. We look back at our childhoods and judge or criticize what they could have done differently

This might be a short post today, only because I caught up the past 8 days worth earlier. We have been teaching Jocelyn little things like how to say please and how to fold your hands when you pray. I taught her a few months ago that when I ask "Where is Jesus?" she points to her heart. Not sure she quite grasps that idea just yet but it is a good reminder to me. We were having dinner at my mom's house tonight and there is a picture of Jesus hanging on her wall by the kitchen. My mom asked Jossy "Where is Jesus?" expecting her to point at the picture hanging on the wall like she apparently has before when staying over. But instead, after many attempts at getting her to do it on her own, she pointed to her heart! I was filled with Joy! Once again, proving that she does in fact listen to me :) Actually, I don't think it's me at all. She listens to her Creator. The one who calls to her every day. He just uses me to teach her. I just realized that I have a p

This weekend I had to go to an all day event for work. I had to leave Jocelyn with Mike. I was gone before she woke up both days and home about an hour before she went to bed. I wanted to squeeze tons of fun into that hour and enjoy her. We decided to play "hide and go seek" on Saturday night. Jossy and I hid first behind the curtains. She giggled with excitement as Mike came for us but it was hard for her to sit still and stay quiet. Next, it was our turn to find her daddy. We went into the family room to find him and I spotted his toes peeking out from under the curtains in there. It took Jossy a moment to find her daddy but when I asked "where's daddy?" she looked at the curtain and tore it away from the window! She squealed with delight as his face peeked out. I think she had more fun finding him than when she hid. I think it's like this for my relationship with God. There are times I hide from Him and times I am trying to find Him. I know when I am hidi

It is amazing to me how one day with a toddler can reach so many highs and yet hit so many lows all in the same 12 hours. For instance, Jocelyn can have a great morning. We play, she eats breakfast like a champ, she entertains herself and is content. But after she wakes up from her nap, it's like a new child emerges! She's moody, whiny, needs attention every minute of the hours. These polar opposite behaviors drive m batty! In some ways I feel that this behavior keeps me on my toes because I never know what to expect. On the other hand, I wish she would just stay content with what I have to offer her. I wonder how frustrated God gets with us when one minute we are perfectly content with Him and the next we rebel because we get restless. My sinful nature is a fact. It starts before birth and continues all of my life. In a book about Mary (the mother of Jesus) by Francine Rivers, she illustrates how Mary might have felt raising Jesus versus her other children. Jesus was content a

Jocelyn and I have this fun little game. It's called "jump on my back and I'll take you down the stairs." She is barely able to get her little arms around my neck but she holds on as tight as she can. Sometimes she even jumps on my back when I'm sitting on the floor playing with her. The thing is...she knows how to go down the stairs on her own. She loves the thrill of the ride from up high. I think because she can see so much more on my back as we walk down and she knows I won't drop her (at least I haven't yet). I relate this to my relationship with the Lord. I know how to do life alone. I have done it before and I usually make it to the bottom. When I jump on God's back and ride with Him, oh how the view changes! Life is more fun and the worry of falling is minimized. Let me tell you, when Jocelyn wraps her arms around me, my heart gushes! I am certain God's heart is overflowing when we are riding with Him. Go ahead and jump on! Jenna

Have you ever had one of those moments where everything around you seems total and utter chaos? It's not a hard thing to come by with a toddler in the house. She's screaming because she can't have the toy she wants, the phone is ringing, someone is at the door, laundry needs done, dishes are dirty....ahhhhh!!! And all the while, I am just trying to get a glimpse of my Savior in this madness. He is there. He is in the middle of it all. He' begging me to run to Him. This reminds m that my quite time with Him is so important and vital to my sanity. But it also shows me that even when other things cloud up my day, I can still choose Him. I just have to trust He's there even when life is a wreck. He's there. Thank you Jesus!! You are here. Psalm 46:1 Jenna

I read somewhere that your eyes are the same size from birth until you die. Then I did some research and found that this is not exactly true. Your eyes are smaller at birth but they reach their full size around 4 years of age. I think that it's still pretty fascinating that they are almost full grown in the first few years of your life and everything else grows so rapidly and much larger for many more years. Why is this so interesting to me? I think it's because God can be seen through the same eyes at any age. I often forget that Jossy has the ability even at her age, to see her creator. He created us and knit us together in our mother's womb. Why would I ever doubt that she has an inability to have a relationship with God in some capacity. I may not understand how she sees Him or what she actually understands, but I believe she knows. My job as a parent is to help her see Him and recognize Him. She can feel His love through me. The best way for me to do this??? Be the Exa

My toddler, Jocelyn, hates when things are the same all of the time. She is just like me. Change is good. So when her days get monotonous, she starts to act out and get into unexplored areas that are not meant for her. This natural tendency for new and exciting is part of our human nature, but also way it is so hard to be obedient to God when things stay still. When my relationship with God gets boring for me, I start looking for something else. This need for "new" is telling God, "not good enough anymore." I struggle with this daily. This is why it is so fascinating to me to see this personality trait manifest itself in a 17 month old. I don't think curiosity in itself is bad. God created u for the desires to search and explore....to search and explore in order to find Him in everything! My challenge for each day this year is to find something I never knew about God or see Him in a way that I never have. That should get me through the days that seem too long a

We work so hard for our parents' approval because we want (even if we try not to), be just like them. My daughter, Jocelyn, is motivated by attention and approval. Most children like approval but I think my little toddler desperately needs it. Hmmm...a lot like me I guess. When she does something she is proud of, she comes running to me for that praise. She imitates us by doing "big girl things" like putting on our shoes, ties, belts and necklaces. She just wants to be like us and join our "big kid" world. This got me thinking. Since God is the ultimate parent, why is that I don't seek God's approval as much as everyone else in the world? Can I follow my daughter's example by going to Him for all of my needs? I should be imitating His example just like she imitates us. I should be seeking His approval above all else. The story of Jacob and Esau in the Old Testament is a perfect example of the desperate things people do for approval. The sad part is

I began 2012 with some excitement and expectations, but mostly a feeling of longing. As I sat down to turn those feelings over to God, I realized that the longing I was feeling was a longing for Him. I believe that God is asking me to take another step towards Him. I have rededicated my life to Christ now for almost 7 years and just as any relationship has it's peaks and valleys, the one with my Creator does too. So my newest resolution is to do a daily blog about being a mom and the things that God teaches me through my toddler. I will try and post daily as much as possible and weekends will be counted as 1 day. I have written a few already so I will catch those up into the post. I hope that the words I write will speak to you as God has used them to speak to me. Happy New Year and may the Lord bless you this year by growing your desire to search for Him! Jenna